summer...finally.

fresh yellow sunlight

melting over the warm summer sky

like butter

chalk drawn doodles

etched across the

neighborhood pavement

the smell of chlorine and

cut grass fills our nostrils

as splashes and kerplunks

hit the pool water

the rays of the sun

are lightly toasting our skin

a golden shade

and the urge to run

through the meadows

barefoot rises with

the temperature each day

when we look back

at all we’ve accomplished

and realize how far we’ve come,

we can’t help but smile

because it's finally summer. 

hang in there...

"I am going to hang in there." you whispered. "Im not going to give up on us. You have my heart and you say I have yours, so they need to be together, or one of them is going to stop beating."

corners

There is only one corner of the universe you can be certain of improving, and that is your own self. So you have to begin there, not outside, not on other people. That comes afterwards, when you have worked on your own corner.

Invisible lines

A million 
invisible lines 
are crossed
every day,

but they 
blend in so
well we don’t
even know

we are
stepping
from one 
life into
another,

and there is
no way to 
ever
go back.

If you only knew

if you only knew how important you are to the lives of people you meet. how important you can be to people you may never even dream of. there is something of yourself that you leave with every person you come in contact with. 

aftermath

After each storm,
there's a smell

that resides
on the streets
the sweet sweet
fragrance of
rainy footprints
and cloudy shadows

even though the rain
killed the flowers
it’s helping even more
flowers grow
tall and strong

so just remember that
even though the rain
has thrashed and cried
on our roofs,
there will always be
a lovely scent
in its aftermath

predictable

there are people who would rather
be hurting than happy, because joy
breeds uncertainty and sadness is
predictable, and everyone is too
scared of the unknown.

they

they told her to be skinny
and they said her hair should shine,
they told her what was pretty
and they brought her up on lies.

they made it seem so easy
and they all told her to smile,
they said they weren't diseases
and they said she wouldn't die.

Small gestures.

Its the small things.

Pay for someone's coffee, hold the door for a stranger, over tip your waitress, smile and be nice even when you don’t feel like it, give someone a compliment, chase the neighbor kid’s runaway ball down and throw it back to him, try to be larger than you are—especially when it’s difficult.

People do notice, people appreciate. I know I appreciate it when it's done for me.

Small gestures can be an effort some days, or actually go against our grain. But the irony is that almost every time you make them, you feel better about yourself.

For a moment life suddenly feels lighter. Try it and see.

labyrinth of misery

 

You spend your whole life stuck in a fucking labyrinth,

thinking how you’ll escape one day.

How incredibly awesome it will be

to have a normal happy life.

Imagining that future over and over is what keeps you going, but you never fucking do it.

You keep going back.

You like the torture.

You just use the future to escape the present.

To escape how incredibly, yet comfortably miserable you are in life.

You are pathetic. 

But it fits you well love.

It's perfect for you.

In fact, its where you need to be.

Because misery loves company. 

And that's all either of you two have to give to anyone.
A labyrinth of fucking misery.

no reset button..

There is no reset button in life.

You can't take anything back and you can't undo anything.

All of your actions have consequences and the things you say and do today, will have a lasting impact on the rest of your life.

You have to understand that, and you have to be aware of it while making decisions...

I like...

I like to see people reunited,

I like to see people run to each other,

I like the kissing and the crying,

I like the impatience,

the stories that the mouth can’t tell fast enough,
the ears that aren’t big enough, the eyes that can’t take in all of the change,

I like the hugging,

the bringing together,

the end of missing someone.

Moths to a flame

Some people in this world just lead fucked up lives and try and get us to join their side just because we're better off without them. And like moths to a flame, we fall in, and our own demise awaits us.

We are all mistakes

We are all just mistakes

And sins that haven’t been forgiven

So we try to make heaven

Out of hell

Passing ‘round the blame

Until we forget the transgressions

Against us.

We are nothing close to hope.

Take a breath and a drink,

Pray to whichever god you believe in

To save you from the nightmare

That you can not wake up from.

So put the drugs into your bloodstream

And shudder all responsibility to a stop.

Fall asleep to public television

Selling you a diluted version of truth.

Our love is never free,

We always pay a price for learning the truth

About the ones we truly care about.

It's ok to cry

People will come and go into your life.

Be grateful for what they do for you, forgive them for how they hurt you and regardless of how your relationship continues, remember everything for what it was worth.

I finally understand the importance of tears, as I told someone today, “It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to break down. It’s important to do so in fact, so go, do, cry if you have to, but once you’re done, move forward.”

It is okay to be sad, don’t let society put a stigma on your emotions.

But it is just as important to get out of bed each day and put your best foot forward.

it was then...

But then I met a star,
the brightest one of all.
When I got too close
it burnt a hole
straight through me.
It was then,
the beginning.

every move

i find people so incredibly fascinating.

i like observing their every move. you can learn a lot just by observing. simple movements can show their personality and their mood..

i like the little smirk when somebody laughs and they're tying not to. i like when people bring their hands up to their face, whether its because they're sad or embarrassed. i like how people walk, and the way they turn their head back to see where they've been or who's behind them. i like the way people's faces light up when they are told something positive and how they drop when they are told something negative. i like it when people cry and look down at their hands, and then look up at you through the haze of their eyes and you can see them drowning.

i like how easy it is to tell how a person is feeling by what they are doing,
yet its so difficult at the same time.

adjustments

I’m certain now that there are a few demons left inside of me.

some kind of wound that hasn’t fully healed. some kind of trauma that I haven’t quite recovered.

It’s beginning to creep back into my life in the worst of ways. I’m not perfect, and while I often try to be as flawless as possible, it is an impossible feat.

So I can sit here and make excuses for myself, or I can make adjustments and move forward.

Look around you

To love.
To be loved.
To never forget your own insignificance.

To never get used to the unspeakable violence and the vulgar disparity of life around you.

To seek joy in the saddest places.
To pursue beauty to its fullest.
To never simplify what is complicated,
or complicate what is simple.
To respect strength, never power.

Above all...
To watch.
To try and understand.
To never look away.

And never, never to forget.

a mess

I am tired...

A mess of methodical ways

that tie up every thought

that ever occurs.

choices.

Do you ever think about all the people who you might have fallen in love with if only you’d taken a different way home or stood a little longer in bread isle at the store?

All the people who might have been an integral part of your life but instead you’ll never know them. The unimaginable impact that our mundane choices have on our lives really gets to me.

Think of how many times I might have died if I’d made different choices.

Maybe I’d be homeless.
Maybe I’d be famous.
Maybe I’d be rich.

Sometimes I’m so overwhelmed by the impact of my choices that I can’t choose anything at all because I’m afraid today will be the day that I make the choice that changes everything.”

hold me

hold me against your chest

till the chaos of the world disappears

till all that I can hear is

the beat of your heart & mine

blind

We are blind. Every single one of us.

And the only light guiding us through,

comes from all the bridges we burn...

Whisper

You can tell me to stop talking,

and I probably wont,

but if you tell

me mouth is extremely beautiful

when my lips are closed,

you won't her another sound

from these lips.

Past, present or future

I’ve always loved listening to people refer to themselves.

If you watch close enough, they tend to speak of themselves mostly in the past, present or future. Always saying things like "I went to the bar last night" and "I played basketball when I was in highschool" and it is so different from saying things like "I’m tired" or "I want chocolate." And it’s even different from saying things like "I’m going shopping tomorrow" and "I can’t wait until my birthday."

It’s all about where people see themselves.

If you’re nostalgic and miss things about the past, it’s going to come out in the way you speak.

What’s even more fascinating is listening to people describe themselves. Saying things like "I play piano", compared to "I’m artistic" says a lot about a person’s personality.

It’s funny but sometimes if the world is watching close enough, it often knows you better than you know yourself.

simply complicated

i am the most low maintenance, non-materialistic, cheapest person.

but im high maintenance as fuck about being treated respectfully, like a sentient, autonomous human being who needs care and consideration, and not being taken for granted.

i can't stand for anything less.

its simple as fuck, yet so complicated for most people.

The little big things

Love isn't just about three little words or expensive gifts.

Love is about the little big things.

Love is about the grand gestures. Love is about airplanes pulling banners over stadiums, proposals on jumbo-trons, giant words in sky writing. Hand written letters. Kissing at stoplights. Love is about turning around and going back to tell someone you love them one extra time...

Love is about going that extra mile even if it hurts, letting it all hang out there. Love is about finding courage inside of you that you didn't even know was there. Love is all about the little big things. That's what really counts.

in your blood

I’ll write poetry

on your arms

so the words

can sink into

your veins

and never

leave your blood.

maybe then

one day

the lyrics

will drip

from your

fingertips,

and you

can do the same

for someone else...

stop

“You’re beautiful.” I whispered.
“Stop."

“Stop what?” I asked.
“Saying I’m beautiful.”
“Why? it’s the truth..”

“It’s not. You don’t see me at the end of the day. You don’t see me trying to find the perfect outfit. You don’t see me in the mirror, so don’t you dare say I’m beautiful because I’m not.” 


I shook my head, almost laughing. 
“You don’t fucking get it do you? You have no idea what you look like. You’re right, I don’t see you the way you see you...but, you also don’t see the way I see you. You don’t see how you laugh, or the way you tell a story, you don’t see the way your eyes light up when you talk about all the songs you love. You don’t see yourself asleep in my arms, or the way you look when you wake up. But I do, and that’s why I have every right to call you beautiful.”

without these...

without nature
i wouldn’t know beauty

without your smile
i wouldn’t know purity

without my friends
i would be lonely

without the sun rising each day
i wouldn’t know loyalty

without my fucked up twisted thoughts
i wouldn’t write poetry

and without you
i’d probably go crazy...

broken

We are all a little broken
or deeply shattered inside,
and I find that to be
the beauty of vulnerability,
like how the stars cannot shine
without the darkness.

Words

Words...
In the right hands, manipulated correctly, they take you prisoner, wrapping themselves around your mind like spider silk. And when you are so mesmerized that you cannot move, they pierce your skin, enter your blood, numb your thoughts. Inside you they work their magic...

something

Something, in the way you say "I love you", such a short chain of sounds, but when they come from your throat they seem to crush space and time, collapse entire universes, shuffle realities, your lips brushing on my neck, your words not three little syllables but all the heavenly language you’d need to whisper what you’d like to do to me, all you’d like to touch and taste, all the places you’d like to get lost into.

It is difficult to say, exactly, what it is...

All I know is that if you ever, were to use your voice to ask, there would be nothing I would deny you.

It hurts

Silence.
It's the most powerful scream.
A source of great strength.

Silence.
It is not the absence of something, but the presence of everything.

Meteors stop when the silence has fallen. So quiet, you can hear the sound of dust settling on the furniture.

The silence.
So loud it hurts.

The silence...

It's deafening.

catch 22

long weeks.
weeks that go on and on.
or at least seem to.

people.
all kinds of people.
insensitive.
joyful.
hurtful.
compassionate.
funny.
awkward.

they make up your life.
you just want to run.
run so fast that no one will notice.

notice that you’re not a stereotype.
you want to be more than that.
but at some point people will notice and care.

they’ll see a void of light around them. they’ll wonder where you are.
they’ll search the skies and the heavens.
the maps and the country.
just because they won’t believe it.

they’ll care so much it will hurt you.
and you’ll come back.
you’ll be so loved.
but only for a moment.
then like a repetitive cycle,
it'll go back to the way things were.

It always does.

they will hurt you.
they will love you.
a catch 22.
but that’s the way it has to be.

because we all live in this world together.
we’re not prisoners.
we are just filling the voids in people’s lives to keep them sane.

just breathe...

Everything you know has been taught to you by someone, or something throughout your whole life.

Ever since you first opened your eyes in this world they start teaching you to speak, to act, to crawl, to walk.

You learn from everything around you. Growing up you learn the manners, the morals, the rights and the wrongs. They tell you, they teach you, and then somewhere along the way, life takes over.

Life teaches you that most of the things you have learned can never really be applied to the world you live in.

Life teaches you about broken hearts and pain, of sleepless nights and vulnerability, about letting go and moving on. And they every once in awhile you learn things from books and movies, friends and strangers you barely know.

You learn, always learn, to have a better understanding of the world around, of yourself.

But sometimes, everything becomes too much to take in, too much to bare. And you fall into that place, that phase that you can’t seem to get out from.

So when you are there and feel low, do the only thing that no one had taught you to do, the thing you have been doing since you were born...

Just breathe.
Just close your eyes and breathe...

you...

people always talk about the special place in their hearts they have for the ones they love,

but you....

you are in my bloodstream,
you inhabit every single part of me.

no matter how much time or distance is put between us, i could never ever forget someone who has given me so much to remember.

for that i thank you.

Infinite

There are people who make you feel old.
There are people who make you feel young.
And then there are those who make you feel infinite...

Be one of those people.

Seven.

Seven.

The number after eight
the holy number in some religions
seven lives,
seven skies

Seven, her favorite number

She used to ink it on her wrist,
scribble it on her notebooks and boxes and love notes.

Seven, her favorite number

It is the count of the scars
imprinted on her forearms,
they've been there since her birth, they say.

Seven, her favorite number

It was when she was seven
that she had dreams declaring her darkened destiny

Seven, her favorite number

Her name seven letters,
her life seven stories
seven shades of blood
through seven blades,
seven death and seven fades

Seven, her favorite number

Seven sins of seven sacrificed souls
on the seventh sacred hour
of the seventh moon
with the seven spells,
each with seven words...

Seven was her favorite number

Love is contrast

Love is pure and stained.
It is both heaven and hell.
It hurts and heals.
It saves and kills.
It can be tragic and true.
For a while or forever.

Love is both nothing and everything.
It makes us weak and strong.
It makes us hate.
It makes us love.
It is both good and evil.
It is a sacrifice.
It is also a thief and a gift.

Love is death and life.
A selfishness and selflessness. Reasonable yet unreasonable.

Love can be defined by words but can only be felt.

But that's what love is...

She's a shooting star

Sometimes when the nights are too dark, and if you’re lucky enough, you’ll see a shooting star.

She’s beautiful and bright just like those shooting stars you see at night. And you’ll wish upon her and write about her stories that would mark your destiny. She’s rare, one of a kind and you’d feel lucky you have even laid eyes upon her.

And then you’ll start wishing that you could be her, that you had her, that you could hold that shining light and store it in a glass jar away from everyone else so she could light up your world when its dark.

But you forget that she’s nothing like she seems.

She’s much bigger than she seems. You can’t mold her or hold her. She has come into existence for a higher purpose- to shine in the sky and not to rust on these grounds. And she’s so much more complicating when you try to get to know her.

She’s here for just a moment, a visit, a glimpse and then she’s gone. She burns everything in her way. She was born to burn, shine and fall, break down till she’s nothing but ashes.

She was meant to die for the wishes of others to come true.

She was meant to be just a fairy tale in a book.

She was meant to be an eternal lost memory.

She was meant to be a shooting star.

splatter

i feel like we’re all just glasses of milk and this world keeps shaking us and shaking us, wanting to spill us across the kitchen floor, but we’ve all grown so scared of being knocked over that we do everything in our power not to.

i think though, that we have spill and we have to splatter. we have to leave parts of ourselves where we go and who we touch. i think it’s the only way to be remembered.

maybe we’re all just scared of spilling all of ourselves onto a canvas only to fall down and realize we have nothing more to give, but i think you have feel empty before you can feel full.

there’s always more you can give but maybe you have to stand in the rain for awhile to figure that out.

People like me

People like me
will love you so hard
that you turn into stone

I will take you to
parks and museums
and kiss you
in every beautiful place
so that you can
never go back to them
without tasting us,
like blood in your mouth

Do not get close to
people like me.

I am like a bomb,
when our time is up
I will explode loss
all over your walls
in angry colors
that make you fucking
hate me and wish
your doorway never
lead to me

You will get lost
in the desperation
in the longing for something
that is always there
but never able to hold
onto it for good

Do not fall in love
with people like me.
I will destroy your home.
I will throw apologies at you
that shatter on the floor
and cut your feet

People like me...
we will leave.
we always do.

Love & Rage

I have love inside of me like you can scarcely imagine.

I have rage inside of me like you would not believe.

If I cannot satisfy the one,

I will indulge the other.

complexities

loving someone for their mind and all its complexities is possibly the greatest thing you can do for someone.

A million times

You could cut me a million times,

Each time a little deeper than the last.

And each time,

I will clean my blood off of your knife, And bring it back to you with a smile.

Paths

Sometimes, people don’t fit into each other’s lives.

There are specific amounts of space we’ve allotted for people, things, and places in our lives, whether consciously or inadvertently. And even if you wanted to, there are things you cannot cut out or rearrange to make them fit.

Blaming yourself for things going wrong, people leaving, situations not working out the way you’d like them to is a simple solution--and so is blaming the other person. Simple, yes, but it is also detrimental.

You are going different places than everyone else, on an individual path that you’ve been walking your whole life. This path may change every so often and split into new ones and you will make turns and come to forks in the road, but the beauty of it is that the path is yours.

The sadness is that you can't just pull someone onto your path because you want them there with you.

Sometimes I think the only conclusion, is that maybe you’ve got to walk your path and go on your journey and learn to love the people and places and things you find there, instead of always trying to merge roads. Sometimes it’s just a test of character, whether we can remain content or feel the need to change course to keep who we want with us.

Let people go when they need to change their lives, and learn how to leave and be left when you need to change yours.

It hurts.
It is selfish.
It is necessary.

And maybe one day, you will see them in a coffee shop, lock eyes, and be taken by surprise. You will have stories to share about the places your paths have taken you, and you will be happy for each other for a moment without letting the sadness of forgotten friendship leak into your heart...or your coffee :)

Maybe you'll never see them again. Maybe you'll never hear their laugh, see that sparkle in their eyes or kiss their lips. Maybe that part of your life is gone, and it won’t come back even for a moment.

But maybe, this is perfectly okay...because its part of your path.

Every decision

Decide in your heart what really makes you happy and challenges you, and start moving your life in that direction.

Every decision you make, from what you eat to what you do with your time tonight, turns you into who you are tomorrow, and the day after that. Look at who you want to be, and start sculpting yourself into that person.

You may not get exactly where you thought you’d be, but you will be doing things that are good for you, and doing things that you believe in.

Don’t let life randomly kick you in the ass and make you who and what you don't wanna become.

back roads

i want to go on a road trip. just you, me, the highway, and the radio. the blue sky, the back roads, and windows down. we’ll talk about everything and nothing, and we’ll sing our hearts out. and we’ll make memories we’ll never, ever forget. just you and me

imagine

Could you imagine how much better the world would be if people were just thankful to be alive? There are so many people out there who take advantage of the beautiful life they have. Meanwhile, there are others who are struggling to stay alive but still appreciate every second they get.

Just remember that life’s a gift!

So be thankful....

One day

As I turned to step onto that train for the last time and never look back, I heard her whispering; "When you leave, just remember you have my heart, so keep it where ever you are love. And if you want to be with me again, then please bring it back. No matter who I'm with or where I am at, I'm sure you can find me. And nobody will make me as happy as you have. You are an amazing person and always will be amazing to me. And when I have a bad day-like everyday- all I have to do is think of you and smile that I got to have such an amazingly wonderful person in my life. Maybe that one day will come around when we will cross paths again, and it will be the right time for us to be together. I will never stop waiting for you baby. I will never let you go. I will never stop loving you....Ever...." -TS

it's odd.

i watch people.

and not like the regular people watching, but that i actually observe them.

i see how they do things, how they talk, how their facial movements are.

when someone talks to me, im studying them while im looking at them.

i think about why they said what they did and try to understand.

i see someone and they instantly remind me of someone, because ive seen that same action done before.

its odd.

but i like it.

It lingers

Smoke rose from me,
grey and dark as ash,
in the dark of the night
she took hold of my arm,
skinned me from the shoulder down
and wrote her name on my bones.

and it lingers.

the bandages, plastered on with feverish desperation...

do nothing but heal the wound below.

overkill

Tainted blood,

made from broken promises

and bad words,

the thrill of breaking

every rule,

scorn and shame and immorality,

tainted blood

runs through my veins.

In darkness

With lights long extinguished,
our maps are no longer visible
to our faces.

We point out turns to the driver
But we don’t know where we are going

Maybe off a cliff,
Maybe into a wall

Nothing can be seen
But still we move on
Unknowing of our future

We live
We love
We lose
We move on

In the darkness
Nobody knows where to go

Searching for...

It began with finding solace

in being trapped alone with you,

and ended with

fear of not being able to

get out when you had already gone.

Sometimes escapades

forget to bring their subjects along,

leaving us searching for

another dose of adventure

to meet crowds in solitude.

time

Perhaps time took us for a ride and we thought we had forever. Time made us think we could love endlessly and time made us believe we really could do it. And then one day out of the blue time caught up with us and it was time for us to go our seperate ways.

Im sorry.

Im sorry we fell for times trick.

And days were meant to pass.

A heart was meant to beat.

And air was meant to be whispered close to your ear.

And your skin was meant to remember what mine felt like.

And some songs were meant to play on repeat.

And the sun was meant to come down.

And we were meant to ignore it when we woke up.

And days were meant to pass.
And nights were meant to follow.

And your eyes were meant to cry out whatever pain was left....

And I never meant to hurt you.

tu me manques

In French, you don’t really say “I miss you."

You say “Tu me manques,” which means: “You are missing from me.”

I love that.
“You are missing from me.”

You are a part of me.
You are essential to my being.
You are like a limb, or an organ, or blood.

I cannot function without you.

Tu me manques...

honest moments

I love others unmade beds. I love when people are drunk and crying and cannot be anything but honest in that moment. I love the look in people’s eyes when they realize they’re in love. I love the way people look when they first wake up and they’ve forgotten their surroundings. I love the gasp people take when their favorite character dies. I love when people close their eyes and drift off into the clouds.

I fall in love with people and their honest moments all the time. I fall in love with their breakdowns and their smeared makeup and their daydreams.

Honesty is just too beautiful to ever put into words.

you are my snowstorm

It’s crazy because
I don’t know when you became
so important to me.

It’s like watching a snowstorm.
You see the flakes falling,
but you don’t realize
how they’re adding up.
Then suddenly
your whole lawn is covered.

All these little things
have added up.

You’re my snowstorm, baby.

measuring time

Being with you
and not being with you
is the only way I have
to measure time.

So while I wait,
I will build a country
from the moments we spend together
And make your name
its national anthem.

All consuming

Hair like moonlight,
eyes like rain,
every moment
a hurricane,
all-consuming,
fit to kill
chaos follows
when you’re with that girl,
dancing in the foggy light,
you’re burning up,
you’re set on fire.

Disguise

They say she's perfect
That's just not the case
She hides behind that pretty face

A mask.
A disguise.
Of a life of deceit.
pretty lies sprinkled with charisma,
"she's so nice and so sweet."

Ice in her veins
Blood in her eyes
Hate in her heart
Love on her mind

missed the better parts

There are people in your life who are going to love you for all of the wrong reasons. They will love you for the best part of your face, the best part of you naked, the best mood on your best day, the best story you ever wrote, the best outfit you ever wore.

They are going to miss the scar on the underside of your nose from the time your older brother dared you to run across a pile of logs. They won’t know that you fell on a hidden nail just as you completed the challenge. They’ll miss the scar on your finger, too from the time you were seven and closed a swiss army knife on it. They won’t understand that these are two of only a handful of things you can remember about your childhood.

They’ll notice that you have a great ass, but they’ll miss that your thumb tucks into their palm when you’re walking together and that your eyes change color with impending weather.

They won’t ask where the story you wrote came from, so they’ll never know that it was true. They’ll love it because it feels real to them. They’ll miss knowing the sweatshirt full of holes that they criticized you for wearing was your dads. You might tell them some of these things along the way, but they will remember the best things instead.

They will love your good moods, your energy, your sense of humor, but miss that you never turn to them, but rather to a shower or a pillow or the back of your throat to shed tears. They won’t ever consider you strong.

When the parts that aren’t your best come out, some people will shield their eyes as if you have just forced them to look directly into the sun for hours until their irises burn. They’ll silently make you promise to never show them that again. Those things are not to be shown. Be at your best so I can love you. I would love you more if only you never show me those things.

And you do not marry those people. You do not sit and drink coffee with those people. You leave those people and you remind yourself that they missed the better parts of you.

that feeling

He asked

“Have you ever climbed inside a secret

and stayed there for a while?”

I told him that

kisses bruise,

and the faintest touch

makes me bleed for days,

but what I meant was

yes...

I’ve been the center

of a secret

and I’ve lingered

because of the thrill,

but that feeling

that feels so good

leaves a scar

that marks you

for eternity...

insecurity.

I think the reason why we all struggle with so much insecurity, is because we are too busy comparing our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel...

Stop it

Because its plausible

I was once told that those who are filled most with hope will feel the pain of disappointment tenfold...

and I believe that.

Because it is plausible.

Because it is logical.

Because I have felt the that same raw emptiness snap at me before, and I know how cruel the world can be to those who believe and trust that it is kind and people don't lie.

Best and worst

I have seen the best of you and the worst of you and I choose both. I want to share every single one of your sunshines and save them for later. I want to tuck them into my pockets and give them back to you when the rains fall hard. I want to be the mirror that reminds you to love yourself. I want to be the air in your lungs to remind you to breathe easy. When the walls come down, when the thunder rumbles, hold my hand, and I promise, I won’t let go.

Smile of Lies

I hide my emotions

Not letting anyone see

The broken side of me

The side with no heart

The side that never smiles

The side thats dying in me

But I know you wonder

I see it in your eyes

I tend to hide

Behind my smile of lies

You see me smile, you walk away

Not knowing im dying

right behind you

That broken side is killing me

You hear me scream

You suddenly turn

To find a broken me.

Box full of darkness

Someone I loved once gave me a box full of darkness. It took me years to understand that this too, was a gift. Because we all know that only from the bad, do we learn to appreciate the good.

Never

Crush my bones

You will never crush my faith

Intoxicate my lungs

You will never intoxicate my thoughts

Blind my eyes

You will never blind me from the truth

Kill me

You will never kill my memory

Kindness

Beginning today, treat everyone you meet as if they were going to be dead by midnight. Give them all the care, kindness and understanding you can. Your life will never be the same again.

I promise.

Each night

I collect
each sound
you left behind
and stretch them
on my bed.
each nite
I breathe you
and become high.

Write with blood

When I write, I write with blood. Words swim in veins beneath my skin, traveling the landscape of my body. It’s the process of retrieving them that’s the hard part.

Sometimes they come clean like a nurse collecting blood with a needle. It stings but leaves no trace.

Other times, words itch and beg to be released. With fingernails I dig, opening wounds like a soldier searching for a bullet inside an arm. It leaves scars and empty holes where nouns and verbs used to be.

It hurts but it needs to be written, needs to be said.

Like sand

You slip out of my grasp like sand,

I try to pick you up, but the story of us is already gone with the wind.

Only few pieces of sparkling glass

are left to cut my already bleeding heart.

blood is dripping slowly,

so dark, so warm

the glass, it hurts...

but I love it,

because it reminds me of you,

and I need it,

I can have only that now.

A memory.

Nothing more.

Twin souls

I've heard them say, that a soul mate is not the person who makes you the happiest, but the one who makes you feel the most, the person who conducts your heart.

A soul mate is the person who can quietly stir your soul the loudest, who can drag you giggling with forgiveness from the cellar they've locked you in and you can't be mad at this person, because they are connected to you in a way no one else ever will be.

You are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. Twin souls.

Silence

I love early mornings when it feels like the rest of the world is still fast asleep and you're the only one who's awake and everything feels like it isn't really real and you kind of forget about all your problems because for now, it's just you, the world and the sunrise.

I am everywhere

I am the view of any sunset

on any skyline

from any highway

which still spells Cincinnati in cursive

on the back of my eyelids.

Pretend for one moment you are me

because you are.

I have always been your moment,

the first time

any time

this universe exploded inside your stomach

and you could not stop saying

I love you.

night windows

as I drive at night
I pass by houses
with night windows.

their curtains, drawn back
warm light glowing softly out
through open shades

i pretend they're inviting me to enjoy the picture perfect scene framed in their night window

the walls inside night windows are always a toasty orangey red, like fires and wine and cinnamon bread, glowing pleasantly like they've captured the harvest moon and plugged it into their wall.

In winter
Christmas trees sprinkled with sparkling white lights
colored lights
twinkling lights
gleam like the night sky.

inside night windows
you catch glimpses of families
happily gathered at the supper table,
of smiling children
and people laughing in silence
ever so quick flashes of love as you pass by their night window

so peaceful
unblemished in a broken world

love radiating through the open shades effervescently
silently
beautifully

homes flawlessly decorated
spotless
sublime

everything in a night window is absolutely perfect in every way.

night windows
will always make me smile...

walk my heart line

I sometimes catch myself staring at the lines in my hands and I keep thinking that one day I will build a city and recreate the lines in my palms with roads and streets and alleys.

I will line these streets with stores and cafes, libraries and theatres. There will be parks in place of my fingertips with benches at every corner.

I’ll take you there one day and we’ll walk my heart line and we’ll laugh because this city was built only for the two of us. These streets, they go nowhere.

Try

I used to try and write you into words. I would try and assemble all of your 206 bones into the letters of a poem with your teeth as commas and your freckles as periods.

I would try and capture your laughter and confine it to the margins on the page but no hyperbole or no metaphor would express it right.

I realized that you were already a poem being written by life itself and I could only be the reader who stays up all night, devouring your words..,

Layers

There are sometimes when my skin feels so heavy like it’s been soaked in water and it refuses to dry, sometimes when it weighs me down just like the words I never say weigh down my heart. And I get this overwhelming desire to just unzip my skin and step outside of it for awhile.

Sometimes I think walking around as a skeleton with the inner workings of our bodies on display for everyone to see would make the world a more compassionate place.

You would see the girl with the bruised heart and reach out for her hand, you would see the man with cracked bones and offer him your seat, you would see the boy with his mind a mess and say “You have a nice smile”.

It would be easier without the layers and layers building us to be “strong”. It would be easier.

Three times

Someone once told me, that before you die, you must fall in love three times.

You must fall in love with your best friend once, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

You must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect once. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

You must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you once. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you'll learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you'll learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

Ideal World

In another world we would be two hippies traveling the world. People would often wonder, how are they okay with that? How are they okay as strays? And we would always wonder, how are they okay with chains? How are they okay to not be free?

We’d travel around the world together, you and me, happy and innocent, beautiful and funny.

In an ideal world we’d be free to be in love.

Doomed nights and no one waiting for us in the morning...

confession to make

the chemistry
between liars like you and me
ignites like gasoline

i've got a confession to make...
i'm your fool.

the heart

the heart, it steers everything into motion. it tells me stories about love, about loss, about the chance of a future. i believe there is so much beauty inside us, its buried right under your skin, and sometimes, in your weakest moment , it shines.

i am not one to preach about romance, or God, or even the good and the bad inside each of us, but i do believe in emotion. and i believe people are most beautiful when at their most vulnerable. they show something real, they involuntarily share something with you, their secrets.

i believe that life is meant to be lived with the heart. i believe that the brain is there to remind us to be smart, but only when at our weakest. it isn't about being careful, or about setting up safety nets before you leap. it's about leaping without a single fucking thought in your head, it's about letting yourself crash, about letting something destroy you. it's about letting everything in, letting love in, whether it be to a man, or a woman, or even a passion, its about not being afraid to break into pieces.

it's about physically wanting someone, about the traces of your breath near your neck in cold weather, its about glances at people you're too afraid to fall for, but fall for anyway. i think there's so much to life that so many people miss, it's like they live, and never figure out why.

but whether it takes you to the highest cloud, or it drags you down to hell, just remember, rock bottom is a fucking beautiful place to start.

falling hundreds of stories

nothing to hold onto but our fears

I want to run

headfirst into a crumbling building

and collapse to the ground

with smoke in my lungs,

I want to light a match

and watch the world burn

crimson and gold.

But I am afraid of things

like fire

and heights,

so when I say

let’s throw ourselves

from the three hundredth floor

of a skyscraper,

I hope you’ll consider

falling hundreds of stories

with me.

Disrespect.

Disrespect at its finest.

The ultimate sin,

Lies

Deceit

Fake love

You created this crisis

And now it's the end

There's no way out

All your made up bullshit

What the fuck did you think,

I'd really put up with it?

Tried to play me for a fool

You mistreated my kindness

Ripped my heart from my chest and made its beat go silent

Now all you're left with is misery and sadness.

So loathe in your sorrow,

your self pity,

your pain

I hope it eats you alive

And you never fucking love again

You deserve what you get

Just remember that shit

Fucking

lying

deceitful

ungrateful

bitch.

I'll see you in my dreams.

i lay here stunned, the outline of your body is still imprinted on my sheets, and the smell of your skin still lingers beneath the covers.

i lay here struggling to breathe, saturated by memories of you.

i will close my eyes, and escape from my thoughts. i will let go of my guilt, my worries, my fears, and the endless problems racing across my mind.

sleep sweet my love, i'll see you in my dreams.

past.

Sometimes, everything is a mess and you just need to make it stop.

And sometimes, when it stops, time stops with you, but not the people.

So those you said forever to, get tired of waiting for you and leave. They just leave you like it was something normal to do, like it wouldn't hurt at all.

And one day, you feel okay and you decide to make time count again...

And then, you notice that you're alone.

That those who said they'd wait for you, those that said they loved you for the best and the worst were gone...

Don't let them fool you with their words my dear.

Love doesn't walk away, people do.
True love always waits....

Will always be perfect...

You value the things you've lost the most. Because the things you've lost are still perfect in your head.

They never rusted.
They never broke.
They never hurt you.

They are made of the memories you once had, which only get more beautiful, day by day.

They are made of the dreams of how wonderful things could have been and must never suffer the hopelessness of actually still existing.

Of being real.
Of having flaws.
Of breaking and deteriorating.

Only the things you no longer have will always be perfect...,

Hidden metaphor

I wake up early.
I love it.
Seeing the sunrise never gets old.

The smell of the fresh coffee I'm brewing makes me smile, and I fall in love with the way that the floorboards creak in the silence as I make my way to the window to peek out again.

The silence.
It's deafening.

My otherwise noisy house is still asleep. Just me, surrounded by complete stillness.

After finishing my cup of coffee. I step out of the house in my pajamas to take pictures of the beautiful sunrise.

There must be a hidden metaphor somewhere, that photographs never capture the reality of a scene. They don't tell you what the moment felt like or smelled like. Or exactly how those colors plastered themselves across the sky. They don't tell how the frost felt as it nipped at my bare feet and how it casted fairy dust over the rooftops and grass. They don't tell how the birds sing as they fly over up above on their yearly road trip down south.

There is a certain magic in the fact that words, photographs or music will only capture most of the moments...

...not all of the moments.

The unconditional kind.

It's not that kind of love. It's the real kind. The unconditional kind. The nonjudgemental kind. Not the physical kind. I love you as a soul who inhabits this earth. I love you because I understand what makes you the way you are. And if I could change it, I would. But I can't—so I choose to love you instead. And my hope is, that my love and acceptance of you will lead you to do something good for yourself, make some changes and get your life straightened out.

It's all the points I see between..

I want to appreciate the times when moments are made into memories. No matter how good, bad or awkward they may be. I want to embrace them, cherish them, and never forget that they come so few and far between.

I know that wherever life takes me, these moments will always follow. Some of them I will look back and smile about, and some I will look back on and wonder how the hell I got through them.

But every one of those moments will remind me of what's truly important.

It's not just life, but living.

It's the journey, the destination, and all the points I see between.

it's up to you.

everyone has choice,
constantly.
in every situation.
there is always a decision.
that decision may define you.

it is up to you whether the decision or choice, is a good decision or a bad decision.

you decide,
you choose.

it's up to you how you react to a situation, it's up to you, and only you to control yourself and the situation you are involved with.

For every action,
there is a reaction.

it's up to you to change a habit, or create one. it's up to whether you learn from the mistake, or repeat it.

after all, in reality we only have ourselves to depend on, and no one else.

Show me the parts you hate.

You hide because there's more to you than what I see and you're not sure I'd like the rest. You know that sometimes, you don't even like the rest.

But I can't love all of you, without knowing all of you.

I need you to show me the ugly and dark cobwebs of your soul. I know things about your soul that you don't know I know. But if you don't validate the bad, I can't love all of you.

Show me those parts you hate. Even the parts you try to cut out of yourself. Stitch them back in, I'll show you where the beauty lies.

You are not perfect, but no one ever wants perfection.

Imperfection is perfection...

Window of Imagination.

I put my hand up against the cold dark window pane. Behind it, thin clouds gently floating across the moon. And even though I can't see you, I know you're on the other side. But you don't know that I am on this side looking out.

The silence is deafening.
I am empty.
So much distance.

The glass is cold and sad against my fingertips. I can't feel your warm skin touching mine. I can't feel your gentle kiss upon my lips. I can't smell your soft sweet scent or hear your contagious laughter.

God I miss that laugh.
And it hurts.

The glass will always remain there, a border between me and you. But if I close my eyes love, perfect images of us together flood my mind.

So real.
Yes.
Perfection in every way.

I smile as darkness gives way to the most beautiful sunrise peeking over the horizon, warming my soul.

You are here with me.

What a beautiful gift our imagination is my love. It allows me to feel you when I can't.

Know I will always be waiting for you here, with our perfect memories on replay behind this glass of imagination.

I miss your face...

It's different for all of us...

Happiness.
Its different for all of us.

Maybe its snuggling with your lover on a stormy night. Or the sound of your favorite song dancing into your ears through your headphones.

A hot cup of coffee.
A smile from a child.
A warm breeze blowing your hair on a perfect summer evening.

Happiness.
It might even be your complicated love story that doesn't sound anything like a fairytale.

Never chase.
Happiness can be found,
Right here.
Right now.

Maybe its not packaged precisely how you want it to be.
But, look around you.
Happiness.
It's everywhere...

hidden away

picture perfect autumn day

warm sunshine

you and I

hidden away from the world

from reality

from our own lies

in a freshly harvested corn field

lying on a blanket

staring up at the cloudless sky

staring into each others eyes

the way they write about in books

soft pleasant breeze

hair blowing gently against our faces

sounds of trees rustling

sounds of fall setting in

bodies entangled, half naked

embracing

enjoying

appreciating

every second that ticks by, grateful

smiling, loving, laughing, kissing

so much laughing...

we are so alike

we are happy

we are free

no worries

but never enough time...

to be hidden away from the world

forever autumn

dear god, freeze me in a forever-autumn

with orange leaves forever falling
and ankled feet forever splashing through them
with a tickling breeze forever breezing
and tumbling clouds forever cloudy
and unending eyes forever sparkling with something
and children’s arms forever reaching
and smiling faces forever smiling.
Forever beautiful...

your face. your smile. YOU.

everyday, i see your face. i see your smile, they way you laugh with me ends the day with another memory. you are so called my best friend, but i see you a lot more then that. i see you as a person i can talk to about everything and anything, i see you as one of the people i trust the most with my life, and i trust with secrets. you are able to make me happy, on a rainy day as a mater of fact, any day. i promise to you, i will never leave your side. you give me hope, like a green tree in the middle of a empty field. i don't see life without you.

let's fly away

i want to feel the wind hitting my palms, i want to smell the fresh air passing through my hair, i want to fly so high the clouds surround us. i want to fly, away with you and only you, i want to fly to a land where nothing matters, where our dreams will come true, where butterfly's flutter around without a care. where wild flowers grow till they reach your knees, i want to fly away to a place where i can be free from everything and everyone but you. we can leave now the only question is will you come with me?

faith, love, happiness.

faith is having the strength to trust in something that you cant see with your eyes or prove scientifically. you believe because your heart tells you that's where you should go or who you should be. your heart tells you what is right. faith, love, happiness.

like blankets

 We sat around the fire telling the kids stories about when they were littler. They were thrilled to be up late, in the dark, talking around the fire pit together. We told story after story - some just little snippets and glimpses - and their eyes would flicker with recognition and they'd croon, "Yeaaaaah.... I remember that!"

"Let's keep talking about remembers," she said, perched upright and eager in her mini-camping chair.

Those stories wrapped them up like blankets, layers of comfort and security and belonging. Who doesn't relish discovering who they are and where they've been, learning how the people we love the most see us through the stories they remember and tell, feeling just how much we belong to and with the people who make up the stuff of which our stories are made.

when i see you, the world stops.

When I see you, the world. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and it’s a beautiful place and there’s only you. Just you. And my eyes staring at you. When you’re gone, the world starts again and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it, and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, is why I love just to stare at you.