Write with blood

When I write, I write with blood. Words swim in veins beneath my skin, traveling the landscape of my body. It’s the process of retrieving them that’s the hard part.

Sometimes they come clean like a nurse collecting blood with a needle. It stings but leaves no trace.

Other times, words itch and beg to be released. With fingernails I dig, opening wounds like a soldier searching for a bullet inside an arm. It leaves scars and empty holes where nouns and verbs used to be.

It hurts but it needs to be written, needs to be said.

Like sand

You slip out of my grasp like sand,

I try to pick you up, but the story of us is already gone with the wind.

Only few pieces of sparkling glass

are left to cut my already bleeding heart.

blood is dripping slowly,

so dark, so warm

the glass, it hurts...

but I love it,

because it reminds me of you,

and I need it,

I can have only that now.

A memory.

Nothing more.

Twin souls

I've heard them say, that a soul mate is not the person who makes you the happiest, but the one who makes you feel the most, the person who conducts your heart.

A soul mate is the person who can quietly stir your soul the loudest, who can drag you giggling with forgiveness from the cellar they've locked you in and you can't be mad at this person, because they are connected to you in a way no one else ever will be.

You are drawn to them in a way you have never experienced before. Twin souls.

Silence

I love early mornings when it feels like the rest of the world is still fast asleep and you're the only one who's awake and everything feels like it isn't really real and you kind of forget about all your problems because for now, it's just you, the world and the sunrise.

I am everywhere

I am the view of any sunset

on any skyline

from any highway

which still spells Cincinnati in cursive

on the back of my eyelids.

Pretend for one moment you are me

because you are.

I have always been your moment,

the first time

any time

this universe exploded inside your stomach

and you could not stop saying

I love you.

night windows

as I drive at night
I pass by houses
with night windows.

their curtains, drawn back
warm light glowing softly out
through open shades

i pretend they're inviting me to enjoy the picture perfect scene framed in their night window

the walls inside night windows are always a toasty orangey red, like fires and wine and cinnamon bread, glowing pleasantly like they've captured the harvest moon and plugged it into their wall.

In winter
Christmas trees sprinkled with sparkling white lights
colored lights
twinkling lights
gleam like the night sky.

inside night windows
you catch glimpses of families
happily gathered at the supper table,
of smiling children
and people laughing in silence
ever so quick flashes of love as you pass by their night window

so peaceful
unblemished in a broken world

love radiating through the open shades effervescently
silently
beautifully

homes flawlessly decorated
spotless
sublime

everything in a night window is absolutely perfect in every way.

night windows
will always make me smile...

walk my heart line

I sometimes catch myself staring at the lines in my hands and I keep thinking that one day I will build a city and recreate the lines in my palms with roads and streets and alleys.

I will line these streets with stores and cafes, libraries and theatres. There will be parks in place of my fingertips with benches at every corner.

I’ll take you there one day and we’ll walk my heart line and we’ll laugh because this city was built only for the two of us. These streets, they go nowhere.

Try

I used to try and write you into words. I would try and assemble all of your 206 bones into the letters of a poem with your teeth as commas and your freckles as periods.

I would try and capture your laughter and confine it to the margins on the page but no hyperbole or no metaphor would express it right.

I realized that you were already a poem being written by life itself and I could only be the reader who stays up all night, devouring your words..,

Layers

There are sometimes when my skin feels so heavy like it’s been soaked in water and it refuses to dry, sometimes when it weighs me down just like the words I never say weigh down my heart. And I get this overwhelming desire to just unzip my skin and step outside of it for awhile.

Sometimes I think walking around as a skeleton with the inner workings of our bodies on display for everyone to see would make the world a more compassionate place.

You would see the girl with the bruised heart and reach out for her hand, you would see the man with cracked bones and offer him your seat, you would see the boy with his mind a mess and say “You have a nice smile”.

It would be easier without the layers and layers building us to be “strong”. It would be easier.

Three times

Someone once told me, that before you die, you must fall in love three times.

You must fall in love with your best friend once, ruining your friendship forever. This will teach you who your true friends are, and the fine line between friendship and more.

You must fall in love with someone you believe to be perfect once. You will learn that no one is perfect, and that you should never be treated as any less than you deserve.

You must fall in love with someone that is exactly like you once. This will teach you about who you are, and who you want to be.

And when you’re through with all that, you'll learn that the people who care about you the most are the ones that you hurt, and the ones that hurt you are the ones that you needed the most.

But most of all, you'll learn that love is only a concept and is not something that can be defined, it is different to each person that experiences it. And you will learn to respect each and every person on this earth, knowing that everyone only wants to be loved.

Ideal World

In another world we would be two hippies traveling the world. People would often wonder, how are they okay with that? How are they okay as strays? And we would always wonder, how are they okay with chains? How are they okay to not be free?

We’d travel around the world together, you and me, happy and innocent, beautiful and funny.

In an ideal world we’d be free to be in love.

Doomed nights and no one waiting for us in the morning...

confession to make

the chemistry
between liars like you and me
ignites like gasoline

i've got a confession to make...
i'm your fool.

the heart

the heart, it steers everything into motion. it tells me stories about love, about loss, about the chance of a future. i believe there is so much beauty inside us, its buried right under your skin, and sometimes, in your weakest moment , it shines.

i am not one to preach about romance, or God, or even the good and the bad inside each of us, but i do believe in emotion. and i believe people are most beautiful when at their most vulnerable. they show something real, they involuntarily share something with you, their secrets.

i believe that life is meant to be lived with the heart. i believe that the brain is there to remind us to be smart, but only when at our weakest. it isn't about being careful, or about setting up safety nets before you leap. it's about leaping without a single fucking thought in your head, it's about letting yourself crash, about letting something destroy you. it's about letting everything in, letting love in, whether it be to a man, or a woman, or even a passion, its about not being afraid to break into pieces.

it's about physically wanting someone, about the traces of your breath near your neck in cold weather, its about glances at people you're too afraid to fall for, but fall for anyway. i think there's so much to life that so many people miss, it's like they live, and never figure out why.

but whether it takes you to the highest cloud, or it drags you down to hell, just remember, rock bottom is a fucking beautiful place to start.

falling hundreds of stories

nothing to hold onto but our fears

I want to run

headfirst into a crumbling building

and collapse to the ground

with smoke in my lungs,

I want to light a match

and watch the world burn

crimson and gold.

But I am afraid of things

like fire

and heights,

so when I say

let’s throw ourselves

from the three hundredth floor

of a skyscraper,

I hope you’ll consider

falling hundreds of stories

with me.

Disrespect.

Disrespect at its finest.

The ultimate sin,

Lies

Deceit

Fake love

You created this crisis

And now it's the end

There's no way out

All your made up bullshit

What the fuck did you think,

I'd really put up with it?

Tried to play me for a fool

You mistreated my kindness

Ripped my heart from my chest and made its beat go silent

Now all you're left with is misery and sadness.

So loathe in your sorrow,

your self pity,

your pain

I hope it eats you alive

And you never fucking love again

You deserve what you get

Just remember that shit

Fucking

lying

deceitful

ungrateful

bitch.

I'll see you in my dreams.

i lay here stunned, the outline of your body is still imprinted on my sheets, and the smell of your skin still lingers beneath the covers.

i lay here struggling to breathe, saturated by memories of you.

i will close my eyes, and escape from my thoughts. i will let go of my guilt, my worries, my fears, and the endless problems racing across my mind.

sleep sweet my love, i'll see you in my dreams.

past.

Sometimes, everything is a mess and you just need to make it stop.

And sometimes, when it stops, time stops with you, but not the people.

So those you said forever to, get tired of waiting for you and leave. They just leave you like it was something normal to do, like it wouldn't hurt at all.

And one day, you feel okay and you decide to make time count again...

And then, you notice that you're alone.

That those who said they'd wait for you, those that said they loved you for the best and the worst were gone...

Don't let them fool you with their words my dear.

Love doesn't walk away, people do.
True love always waits....

Will always be perfect...

You value the things you've lost the most. Because the things you've lost are still perfect in your head.

They never rusted.
They never broke.
They never hurt you.

They are made of the memories you once had, which only get more beautiful, day by day.

They are made of the dreams of how wonderful things could have been and must never suffer the hopelessness of actually still existing.

Of being real.
Of having flaws.
Of breaking and deteriorating.

Only the things you no longer have will always be perfect...,

Hidden metaphor

I wake up early.
I love it.
Seeing the sunrise never gets old.

The smell of the fresh coffee I'm brewing makes me smile, and I fall in love with the way that the floorboards creak in the silence as I make my way to the window to peek out again.

The silence.
It's deafening.

My otherwise noisy house is still asleep. Just me, surrounded by complete stillness.

After finishing my cup of coffee. I step out of the house in my pajamas to take pictures of the beautiful sunrise.

There must be a hidden metaphor somewhere, that photographs never capture the reality of a scene. They don't tell you what the moment felt like or smelled like. Or exactly how those colors plastered themselves across the sky. They don't tell how the frost felt as it nipped at my bare feet and how it casted fairy dust over the rooftops and grass. They don't tell how the birds sing as they fly over up above on their yearly road trip down south.

There is a certain magic in the fact that words, photographs or music will only capture most of the moments...

...not all of the moments.

The unconditional kind.

It's not that kind of love. It's the real kind. The unconditional kind. The nonjudgemental kind. Not the physical kind. I love you as a soul who inhabits this earth. I love you because I understand what makes you the way you are. And if I could change it, I would. But I can't—so I choose to love you instead. And my hope is, that my love and acceptance of you will lead you to do something good for yourself, make some changes and get your life straightened out.

It's all the points I see between..

I want to appreciate the times when moments are made into memories. No matter how good, bad or awkward they may be. I want to embrace them, cherish them, and never forget that they come so few and far between.

I know that wherever life takes me, these moments will always follow. Some of them I will look back and smile about, and some I will look back on and wonder how the hell I got through them.

But every one of those moments will remind me of what's truly important.

It's not just life, but living.

It's the journey, the destination, and all the points I see between.

it's up to you.

everyone has choice,
constantly.
in every situation.
there is always a decision.
that decision may define you.

it is up to you whether the decision or choice, is a good decision or a bad decision.

you decide,
you choose.

it's up to you how you react to a situation, it's up to you, and only you to control yourself and the situation you are involved with.

For every action,
there is a reaction.

it's up to you to change a habit, or create one. it's up to whether you learn from the mistake, or repeat it.

after all, in reality we only have ourselves to depend on, and no one else.

Show me the parts you hate.

You hide because there's more to you than what I see and you're not sure I'd like the rest. You know that sometimes, you don't even like the rest.

But I can't love all of you, without knowing all of you.

I need you to show me the ugly and dark cobwebs of your soul. I know things about your soul that you don't know I know. But if you don't validate the bad, I can't love all of you.

Show me those parts you hate. Even the parts you try to cut out of yourself. Stitch them back in, I'll show you where the beauty lies.

You are not perfect, but no one ever wants perfection.

Imperfection is perfection...

Window of Imagination.

I put my hand up against the cold dark window pane. Behind it, thin clouds gently floating across the moon. And even though I can't see you, I know you're on the other side. But you don't know that I am on this side looking out.

The silence is deafening.
I am empty.
So much distance.

The glass is cold and sad against my fingertips. I can't feel your warm skin touching mine. I can't feel your gentle kiss upon my lips. I can't smell your soft sweet scent or hear your contagious laughter.

God I miss that laugh.
And it hurts.

The glass will always remain there, a border between me and you. But if I close my eyes love, perfect images of us together flood my mind.

So real.
Yes.
Perfection in every way.

I smile as darkness gives way to the most beautiful sunrise peeking over the horizon, warming my soul.

You are here with me.

What a beautiful gift our imagination is my love. It allows me to feel you when I can't.

Know I will always be waiting for you here, with our perfect memories on replay behind this glass of imagination.

I miss your face...

It's different for all of us...

Happiness.
Its different for all of us.

Maybe its snuggling with your lover on a stormy night. Or the sound of your favorite song dancing into your ears through your headphones.

A hot cup of coffee.
A smile from a child.
A warm breeze blowing your hair on a perfect summer evening.

Happiness.
It might even be your complicated love story that doesn't sound anything like a fairytale.

Never chase.
Happiness can be found,
Right here.
Right now.

Maybe its not packaged precisely how you want it to be.
But, look around you.
Happiness.
It's everywhere...

hidden away

picture perfect autumn day

warm sunshine

you and I

hidden away from the world

from reality

from our own lies

in a freshly harvested corn field

lying on a blanket

staring up at the cloudless sky

staring into each others eyes

the way they write about in books

soft pleasant breeze

hair blowing gently against our faces

sounds of trees rustling

sounds of fall setting in

bodies entangled, half naked

embracing

enjoying

appreciating

every second that ticks by, grateful

smiling, loving, laughing, kissing

so much laughing...

we are so alike

we are happy

we are free

no worries

but never enough time...

to be hidden away from the world

forever autumn

dear god, freeze me in a forever-autumn

with orange leaves forever falling
and ankled feet forever splashing through them
with a tickling breeze forever breezing
and tumbling clouds forever cloudy
and unending eyes forever sparkling with something
and children’s arms forever reaching
and smiling faces forever smiling.
Forever beautiful...

your face. your smile. YOU.

everyday, i see your face. i see your smile, they way you laugh with me ends the day with another memory. you are so called my best friend, but i see you a lot more then that. i see you as a person i can talk to about everything and anything, i see you as one of the people i trust the most with my life, and i trust with secrets. you are able to make me happy, on a rainy day as a mater of fact, any day. i promise to you, i will never leave your side. you give me hope, like a green tree in the middle of a empty field. i don't see life without you.

let's fly away

i want to feel the wind hitting my palms, i want to smell the fresh air passing through my hair, i want to fly so high the clouds surround us. i want to fly, away with you and only you, i want to fly to a land where nothing matters, where our dreams will come true, where butterfly's flutter around without a care. where wild flowers grow till they reach your knees, i want to fly away to a place where i can be free from everything and everyone but you. we can leave now the only question is will you come with me?

faith, love, happiness.

faith is having the strength to trust in something that you cant see with your eyes or prove scientifically. you believe because your heart tells you that's where you should go or who you should be. your heart tells you what is right. faith, love, happiness.

like blankets

 We sat around the fire telling the kids stories about when they were littler. They were thrilled to be up late, in the dark, talking around the fire pit together. We told story after story - some just little snippets and glimpses - and their eyes would flicker with recognition and they'd croon, "Yeaaaaah.... I remember that!"

"Let's keep talking about remembers," she said, perched upright and eager in her mini-camping chair.

Those stories wrapped them up like blankets, layers of comfort and security and belonging. Who doesn't relish discovering who they are and where they've been, learning how the people we love the most see us through the stories they remember and tell, feeling just how much we belong to and with the people who make up the stuff of which our stories are made.

when i see you, the world stops.

When I see you, the world. It stops and all that exists for me is you and my eyes staring at you. There’s nothing else. No noise, no other people, no thoughts or worries, no yesterday, no tomorrow. The world just stops and it’s a beautiful place and there’s only you. Just you. And my eyes staring at you. When you’re gone, the world starts again and I don’t like it as much. I can live in it, but I don’t like it. I just walk around in it, and wait to see you again and wait for it to stop again. I love it when it stops. It’s the best thing I’ve ever known or ever felt, the best thing, and that, is why I love just to stare at you.

I'm simple.

Writing is my preferred creative outlet. Because when I write I feel as if all the the things that are bottled inside of my head get to see some daylight. Taking photographs that catch moments is just as lovely as well, although I try not to over photograph things, leaving a little room to remember things with my brain instead. But I do love the fact I can show the world what I see and how I view it. Guitar, that's my baby. So is singing, painting and drawing from time to time. Give me some face to face time, or if that isn't an option, write me an email or better yet a letter that is full of seemingly insignificant details that make me happy. I'm a simple girl.

don't know how to forget

To forget somebody isn't possible. deep inside, you remember everything. you may not think of them for years, but you don't know how to forget. you can recall the way they smiled when they were happy, the sound of their voice, their laugh, their smell and the feel of their skin...

but no matter what you do, you will never  forget those moments, for they are forever imprinted on your heart.

obstacles

life is going to throw you so many obstacles to overcome. some are going to be easier than others, some will leave you happy and some will fucking kill you deep inside. but no matter what happens in the end, there will always be more obstacles to face.

You just have to stand tall, hold your head high and just take whatever life brings to you.

The main thing I've learned? if you aren’t willing to put up with a little pain, you won’t go far. With every journey you’ll get scratches and bruises, but if you really love it, those scratches will be worth it and you won't really notice them because you take the pain with the joy.

The important thing is not to be bitter over life’s disappointments.

Learn to let go of the past and recognize that everyday won’t be sunny. And when you find yourself lost in the darkness of despair, remember, it’s only in the black of night that you see the stars, and those stars lead you back home.

Dear whoever,

Dear whoever is reading this,

maybe you're going through some things in your life that might be a little rough right now, or maybe things just aren't going the way you've planned them. I want to let you know that things will get better, I promise.

This day too, shall pass

Keep holding on just a little bit longer. If you feel like nobody really cares, you’re wrong, stop denying it. I care, otherwise I wouldn’t be writing this. You’re not alone. Yeah, maybe we are miles away, but we’ve all, are going through, or at some point in time, have gone through the same things.

Please keep holding on. whoever you are,  I love you. :)

Peace and Love.

There is an innocence...

There is an innocence within me that already knows how to trust my higher power, to cherish life while holding it lightly …

Love. It's unique.

Each relationship between two people is absolutely unique.

That is why you cannot love two people the same.
It simply is not possible.
You love each person differently
because of who they are
and the uniqueness that they draw out of you.

The one you hate.

i am the cold around you and the fire in your eyes.

i am the rage that surrounds you and my tears are filled with lies.

i am the hurt inside you and the laugh behind your back.

i am the joy to tease you and i am the heart attack.

i am the last kiss ever and i never say i'm wrong.

i am the one you hate but you are the one who's strong.