sick with the spin

stuck in a revolving door.
cemented in life's fucking time warp.
standing still while the whole world rushes right past you.

no end.

like a carousel with no music.
you're sick with the spin.
flawed and tired of your life of sin.

It's always the lie that breaks shit apart,
leaves them remaining confused with no way out.
standing still while the whole world rushes right past you.

no end...

The reflection.

Learning to become the mirror


and not the reflection


in a glass encrusted world


is the greatest achievement

of a survivor. 

The cycle.

Maybe we’ll meet again one day,
when we’re slightly older and our minds less hectic,
and I’ll be right for you and you’ll be right for me.
But right now you are chaos to my thoughts, and I am poison to your heart.

changes.

reach into my heart.
there’s a letter there, waiting for you,
with all of my fears and hopes and dreams written on it.
it’s fragile and hard to get to
and sometimes i lie awake trying to change the words of it,
but please, find that part of me. the part nobody else gets to see.

Echoes

I heard it on the radio,

they found echoes of the Big Bang

racing throughout the Universe,

and I wonder if they mistook

that sound for my heartbeat

moments after you gave me life again.

existence

You once asked me the name
of my favorite poet
and I replied "God".
You laughed and played along
and asked me which one of his
works was my favorite.
I said it was the one where
he wrote you into my existence...

The box.

I have absolutely

no desire to fit in.

The ability to subtract

yourself from the crowd,

is hindered by our need

to be an addition...

Be different.

Live outside the box.

Past tense.

I wonder what places I have already visited for the last time...

The effect.

Your third grade science teacher taught you that thunder comes after lightning
because sound travels slower than light.
 What she meant was, nothing makes sense while it is happening,
yet everything happens at once.

The monster

I fell into a void, and was saved by kind monsters
who taught me how to express myself in the most awkwardly manner.

If I don't seem like myself to you anymore, it's because you never knew me...

Absorption

Have you ever stood in a crowded room and absorbed the essence of every single person in that room? Their hopes.. fears.. pain.. dreams? Even their memories.

Some are in love, some are filled with lust, and others never cease reflecting on the moment they must return home to that empty apartment to lay upon a mattress soaked with blood and tears.

Do you ever feel people the way I do? 

Doesn’t it just make you want to bleed internally?

Doesn’t it makes you feel utterly useless?

The mind.

What a thing it is
 to fall in love


first 
with someone’s mind,

and to let them, in turn,


explore
 your own.

I am firmly convinced

that the most 
vulnerable


part of ourselves,

is not
 our unclothed bodies,


but rather, most definitely

our 
thought....

prospect

your touch feels foreign

like a strange custom

from another country,

another handshake,

another way to say hello,

it is new,

it is not the way

I have ever been greeted,

it is a language

I am learning

to speak.

2/2

I am either aggressively passionate or completely detached. I have no notion of loving people by halves. It's not my nature...

Hustler

I give a fuck.

I give lots of fucks, actually.

I'm a prostitute of feelings. 

Accountability.

I am one who can only hold you accountable for your actions,
no matter how good your intentions may be.

Interference

If it's still on your mind,

It's still in your heart. 

the journey

I walk through doors with no hesitation. 
The fear on the other side, does not exist. 
I'm the type to fight gods to earn my placement.

Silence.

The world is often too loud for anyone's mind to function properly without disturbance. Quiet that.

Dimensional

Someone once told me that human beings have three dimensions: how you see yourself, how others see you, and how you want others to see you. The closer the distance between the three dimensions, the more at peace you are and the more stable you become.

Dreamer

It was a huge disappointment as a child
to fall in love with the stars
and then find out how much math it requires
to get anywhere near them.

meritable

Because I’ve never wanted to drown baby,


but being lost in your sea,
doesn’t sound like a bad way to go...

 

Charged

"Life" in and of itself ultimately is meaningless. It's whatever meaning you give it, your experiences, and your memories that define your "life."

divulgence

My favorite sound will always be

the whisper of, “Oh my God”

under his breath in between kisses...

incubus

drift off to sleep

and enter a land of wonder

where skeletons walk around

without clothes


exposing their bones

and showcasing how hollow

they’ve all become.

trees are really people

who rip out their hair

when it gets cold


and birds whisper secrets

in uneasy ears.


the moon projects light,

iridescent to set the mood,


and what once was,

becomes no more.


kaleidoscopes of butterflies

lead the way,
 down, down, down

winding roads
 and into the open fields

where innocence is reborn.


you swirl around and around


faster and faster until

all you see are the

smears of color 
painted

on a midnight blue star speckled canvas


and when you wake up...

everything is not how it seemed before.

elemental transmission

It takes 10 minutes and twelve seconds to walk to your home from mine every day. Your sister never fails to smile at me when she opens the door. I never fail to notice that it doesn’t reach her eyes anymore.

You leave your door open an exact two point three centimeters. I don’t think you do it on purpose. There is something wrong with the wood that has left it that way. I pause one foot outside the door and listen to you cough, trying to determine how sick you feel today. I hate that every time I think you are particularly ill, I am always right.

Six months, seventeen days and fourteen hours. That is how long its been since the doctors told you, you had an illness. I sat there, listening to a man dressed in white, saying words like ‘terminal’ and ‘leukemia’, and counted the number of times he said ‘patient’ as if it were your name (Seventeen).

The blood bank says one unit is four hundred and eighty milliliters, and I watch as they put the needle into my arm to pump out the blood into a little plastic bag. It takes exactly seven minutes and twenty one seconds, because I’m holding my arm so tight. If I could give you all my blood so you could feel better for just a day, I would.

It has been nine days, twelve hours and fourteen minutes since the ambulance came for you. Six days, fifteen hours and seven minutes since the doctors told us they couldn’t help you anymore. I am counting the drips of the glucose as it goes into your arm, my body wrapped around yours, trying to pretend this is a bad dream. 

You say, that I am obsessed with numbers. I want to tell you you’re wrong. My obsession is you. I say nothing. This is the first time you have laughed in one month, three weeks and two days.

*They say, that when someone dies, their body weight drops. It is not noticeable unless you have held them close while they are dying. It is just a touch. But it’s there when they leave you.

21 grams. That is the weight of a human soul.

Exploration.

I'm going out to explore this world. 

I'm going to write down all the lessons it can offer.

I saved you a seat just in case you want to play co-pilot.

fenestrated

If there is any truth

behind what they say


about seeing a soul

through a person’s eyes,


then darling,

you have the most beautiful

soul I have ever had the pleasure

of encountering...

Modification

I’m a strong person.


I’m still alive and breathing,

that pretty much says it all.

But there must be something beyond this.

I bite down my excuses


and paint over my flaws
.

I speak the words that


threaten to drown me.

My hand will scribble

them on paper


or click these keys


and that’s the real release.


I stare into every shadow I can find,


I even seek them out,


because I want to raise

the whole damn thought

process
 and start again.

Yet, we don’t have the luxury

of a blank canvas mind
.

There's no such thing

as a clean slate.

So we do what we can.


We rebuild,
 reprogram,

and paint over our imperfections.

A mind can be reprogrammed,

I've already changed so much of the code. 

Change the thought process,

and rebuild your mind.... 

besieged

I’ve cut my hands too many times


on the sharp edged souls
 I’ve tried to save.


I find them screaming in need of care,


and my heart goes out to them
,

like a soldier into battle.


But their mouths are no longer screaming,

instead they’re open,
to bite me
 with wicked teeth
 that shred my own spirit.


It’s getting hard 
to carry my pieces away...

amenity

You are all of the underlined passages,

in the only book
I’ve re-read a million times.

My favorite CDs 
that I still listen to


even when they’re out of style.


You are the worn sweater

that I keep pulling on,
 

even though it’s fraying beyond repair.


I keep coming back to you

because you are safe.


You are the comfort,
I never even found at home.

the verse

Knowing a person is like music.

What attracts us is their melody.

As we get to know who they are,

we learn their lyrics...

untold

the first time i saw you,

your hair was messy,

your eyes were shining,

and you had a smile

spread wide across your face.

you were absolutely beautiful,

but I didn't tell you so

we stayed up late at night,

sharing laughs and telling stories,

spilling secrets and speaking our minds,

and somewhere between

the whispers and giggles,

I fell in love with you,

because you were absolutely

beautiful, but I didn't tell you so.

eventually we got closer

and I saw the darker side of you.

I learned your fears and insecurities,

the things that keep you up at night

you thought it would scare me away,

but I wasn't going anywhere. 

I thought you were absolutely

beautiful, but I didn't tell you so

Time passed,

and I began to see you change.

your eyes were no longer shining,

and you didn't have that smile

spread wide across your face.

Even though you couldn't see it,

you were absolutely beautiful,

but I didn't tell you so.

one day at school,

you didn't show up,

and i just figured you were sick.

I never thought it could be anything more than a simple illness.

The next day I heard the news,

and i didn't want to believe it.

I knew it was the truth

but I couldn't bear the thought.

They had found you

in the bathroom

writs cut,

neck tied,

lifeless..

but still beautiful. 

And you never knew it. 

But this is what you were-

absolutely beautiful,

and I should have told you so.

the gun

my poetry is a loaded gun.
and I'm never quite sure
if the bullets are hate, hurt, or love.

a meeting

Last night,

your nightmares and I

had a meeting

on exactly how to hurt you.

the brick

Of all the people you have kissed

you said I was your favorite,

because I didn’t flinch

when you curled your hand

around my neck and tightened.

I looked you in the eyes and said 
"Baby, I break the law because I’ve never broken a heart, now I want to know what it feels like to be the brick not the window pane”.

When she’s drunk

she’ll dress up for you, 

all straps and lace and stockings. 
When she’s high 

she’ll dress down for you, 
all skin and skin and skin.

crimson flow

As the crimson flows


from your neck
,

I loosen my bite,

a moan escapes your lips...

and then a smile.

checkmate

Did you expect it all to stop,

at the wave of your hand?

Like the sun’s just gonna drop 
if it’s night you demand?

     Love, even in the dark,

it's still all the same.

I have the upper hand,

I hold that power,

not you...understand?

Like a game of checkers,

a game of fucking chess

I'm dominating the board,

I decide what's next.

I decide your fate.

Me.

Not you.

King me bitch,

I win. 

Checkmate.

You lose.