not living

I had a friend who woke up every morning
pretending the bags under her eyes
weren’t spent from days of dehydrating herself through her tears.

She worked at a vintage coffee shop and spent her break in the back alley
with a razor blade to her wrists hoping she could feel something
just a little bit stronger than numbness.

I had a friend who drank so many pills
she didn’t wake up one morning.

She was convinced she could live in a state of forever asleep...