Charged

"Life" in and of itself ultimately is meaningless. It's whatever meaning you give it, your experiences, and your memories that define your "life."

divulgence

My favorite sound will always be

the whisper of, “Oh my God”

under his breath in between kisses...

incubus

drift off to sleep

and enter a land of wonder

where skeletons walk around

without clothes


exposing their bones

and showcasing how hollow

they’ve all become.

trees are really people

who rip out their hair

when it gets cold


and birds whisper secrets

in uneasy ears.


the moon projects light,

iridescent to set the mood,


and what once was,

becomes no more.


kaleidoscopes of butterflies

lead the way,
 down, down, down

winding roads
 and into the open fields

where innocence is reborn.


you swirl around and around


faster and faster until

all you see are the

smears of color 
painted

on a midnight blue star speckled canvas


and when you wake up...

everything is not how it seemed before.

elemental transmission

It takes 10 minutes and twelve seconds to walk to your home from mine every day. Your sister never fails to smile at me when she opens the door. I never fail to notice that it doesn’t reach her eyes anymore.

You leave your door open an exact two point three centimeters. I don’t think you do it on purpose. There is something wrong with the wood that has left it that way. I pause one foot outside the door and listen to you cough, trying to determine how sick you feel today. I hate that every time I think you are particularly ill, I am always right.

Six months, seventeen days and fourteen hours. That is how long its been since the doctors told you, you had an illness. I sat there, listening to a man dressed in white, saying words like ‘terminal’ and ‘leukemia’, and counted the number of times he said ‘patient’ as if it were your name (Seventeen).

The blood bank says one unit is four hundred and eighty milliliters, and I watch as they put the needle into my arm to pump out the blood into a little plastic bag. It takes exactly seven minutes and twenty one seconds, because I’m holding my arm so tight. If I could give you all my blood so you could feel better for just a day, I would.

It has been nine days, twelve hours and fourteen minutes since the ambulance came for you. Six days, fifteen hours and seven minutes since the doctors told us they couldn’t help you anymore. I am counting the drips of the glucose as it goes into your arm, my body wrapped around yours, trying to pretend this is a bad dream. 

You say, that I am obsessed with numbers. I want to tell you you’re wrong. My obsession is you. I say nothing. This is the first time you have laughed in one month, three weeks and two days.

*They say, that when someone dies, their body weight drops. It is not noticeable unless you have held them close while they are dying. It is just a touch. But it’s there when they leave you.

21 grams. That is the weight of a human soul.

Exploration.

I'm going out to explore this world. 

I'm going to write down all the lessons it can offer.

I saved you a seat just in case you want to play co-pilot.

fenestrated

If there is any truth

behind what they say


about seeing a soul

through a person’s eyes,


then darling,

you have the most beautiful

soul I have ever had the pleasure

of encountering...

Modification

I’m a strong person.


I’m still alive and breathing,

that pretty much says it all.

But there must be something beyond this.

I bite down my excuses


and paint over my flaws
.

I speak the words that


threaten to drown me.

My hand will scribble

them on paper


or click these keys


and that’s the real release.


I stare into every shadow I can find,


I even seek them out,


because I want to raise

the whole damn thought

process
 and start again.

Yet, we don’t have the luxury

of a blank canvas mind
.

There's no such thing

as a clean slate.

So we do what we can.


We rebuild,
 reprogram,

and paint over our imperfections.

A mind can be reprogrammed,

I've already changed so much of the code. 

Change the thought process,

and rebuild your mind.... 

besieged

I’ve cut my hands too many times


on the sharp edged souls
 I’ve tried to save.


I find them screaming in need of care,


and my heart goes out to them
,

like a soldier into battle.


But their mouths are no longer screaming,

instead they’re open,
to bite me
 with wicked teeth
 that shred my own spirit.


It’s getting hard 
to carry my pieces away...

amenity

You are all of the underlined passages,

in the only book
I’ve re-read a million times.

My favorite CDs 
that I still listen to


even when they’re out of style.


You are the worn sweater

that I keep pulling on,
 

even though it’s fraying beyond repair.


I keep coming back to you

because you are safe.


You are the comfort,
I never even found at home.

the verse

Knowing a person is like music.

What attracts us is their melody.

As we get to know who they are,

we learn their lyrics...

untold

the first time i saw you,

your hair was messy,

your eyes were shining,

and you had a smile

spread wide across your face.

you were absolutely beautiful,

but I didn't tell you so

we stayed up late at night,

sharing laughs and telling stories,

spilling secrets and speaking our minds,

and somewhere between

the whispers and giggles,

I fell in love with you,

because you were absolutely

beautiful, but I didn't tell you so.

eventually we got closer

and I saw the darker side of you.

I learned your fears and insecurities,

the things that keep you up at night

you thought it would scare me away,

but I wasn't going anywhere. 

I thought you were absolutely

beautiful, but I didn't tell you so

Time passed,

and I began to see you change.

your eyes were no longer shining,

and you didn't have that smile

spread wide across your face.

Even though you couldn't see it,

you were absolutely beautiful,

but I didn't tell you so.

one day at school,

you didn't show up,

and i just figured you were sick.

I never thought it could be anything more than a simple illness.

The next day I heard the news,

and i didn't want to believe it.

I knew it was the truth

but I couldn't bear the thought.

They had found you

in the bathroom

writs cut,

neck tied,

lifeless..

but still beautiful. 

And you never knew it. 

But this is what you were-

absolutely beautiful,

and I should have told you so.

the gun

my poetry is a loaded gun.
and I'm never quite sure
if the bullets are hate, hurt, or love.

a meeting

Last night,

your nightmares and I

had a meeting

on exactly how to hurt you.

the brick

Of all the people you have kissed

you said I was your favorite,

because I didn’t flinch

when you curled your hand

around my neck and tightened.

I looked you in the eyes and said 
"Baby, I break the law because I’ve never broken a heart, now I want to know what it feels like to be the brick not the window pane”.

When she’s drunk

she’ll dress up for you, 

all straps and lace and stockings. 
When she’s high 

she’ll dress down for you, 
all skin and skin and skin.

crimson flow

As the crimson flows


from your neck
,

I loosen my bite,

a moan escapes your lips...

and then a smile.

checkmate

Did you expect it all to stop,

at the wave of your hand?

Like the sun’s just gonna drop 
if it’s night you demand?

     Love, even in the dark,

it's still all the same.

I have the upper hand,

I hold that power,

not you...understand?

Like a game of checkers,

a game of fucking chess

I'm dominating the board,

I decide what's next.

I decide your fate.

Me.

Not you.

King me bitch,

I win. 

Checkmate.

You lose.

unsheltered

Face value, is one thing. 

But take the time

to look past that,

and see someone’s vulnerability,

it makes you see them in a different light. 

Vulnerability is one of the layers of beauty,
and I love that there is beauty

in emotions and people’s vulnerability.

delicate

'I will break you,' she whispered,
'into so many pieces that
only I will be able to ever
put you back together again'.

intruder

You’re the last

person that got in

before I started

building walls

around me again

incomparable

There’s nothing 
more

deliciously sexy 
in a person,

than their ability to quiet

your anger 
by just their kiss...

the rush

the wind wails


through open windows


the seat belt unlatched


as i watch
 as life


passes by at 
110 mph.

insistent

I fucking loathe how ignorant

and completely moronic

some people are.

When someone has made

it clear on multiple occasions;

"leave me the fuck alone"

Common courtesy would be to,

leave them the fuck alone!

Would it not?

It's like these dumb fucks

brains flatline intermittently

from consuming too many drugs

and too much alcohol,

and they suddenly

and conveniently

forget that they STILL

don't exist to you....

God damn people. Save your fucking brain cells
.

enscribe

I will only let you touch me,
if your hands are so full of intention,
that every touch of your fingers,

feels like you’re writing
a novel on my skin...

generated power

We’re not hell

but we are close.

electric words

bloody thumbs

bruised lips

stained fingertips

bare feet

holes in our lungs,

reminders to breathe

when burning in flames.

lets try not to

burn the world

down with us.

transaction

Memories are so much

more than images.

Memories are full

of beating hearts

and breathing lungs.

You can destroy a photo

in a second,

but darling, you can’t

cut a memory in half

with even the sharpest knife.

neurosis

They tried to buy happiness
,

but charged to many attempts
.

Now they're broke and broken.

Vagrants.

Transients with happiness out of reach
,

sorrow, debts and bad habits

surround them, and they know,

they have only themselves

to blame for their failure.